noe y i sae 2dae no gud.. too emo le.. girl ah girl.. tot i told u tat not to get to emo no matter wad u do.. or hu u will be in contact wif?? sometimes i tend to forget that i told myself that b4.. i dowan to be so unfeelin.. i wan to taste how to care n feel for other pple.. at the same time i dowan to get hurt cos i do tat.. =x so ironic hor?? thats me for u.. haha..

sometimes i noe hiding behind reality is no gud.. is unhealthy.. bt i find tat in that way.. my life is happier.. n more beautiful.. n i realli hope my life cn be so happy n beautiful.. LOL.. i make myself out to be sooo kor lian tai... =x well mayb cos if im lyk tat ba.. lol.. owaiz think soo negatively of myself.. or isit cos since young i seldom mingle ard wif pple.. most of the time im owaiz alone.. or no one to tok to.. frens all soo nice n happy wif u 2dae... next dae.. they all shun away.. i oso dunoe y..

i get scared if i open myself too much to pple ard me.. i fear tat one dae.. they no longer get in touch wif me le.. so i hv to start all over agn to noe more new frens.. n start to trust all over agn.. trust is realli hard to earn.. especially now im workin le.. i noe its even harder... but??? not even abit cn they trust me ma??? i feel so useless lor if thats the case... since young in my family.. no one bother to trust me.. the oni doubt me... dun think no such things happen.. it realli do..

i hv to put up a tough front to show that im nt bothered by those kinda doubt.. n i hv to learn to take that in my stride somemore.. in my family... u canot do this.. oni they cn do that.. even when in sch.. its the same.. in life same.. in r/s even lagii same.. LOL.. =x

mayb things arent realli tat bad la.. think positve girl~!!! haha.. tatz y im so happy-go-lucky most of the time.. bt when my emo hits the peak liao.. or im provoked.. sry lor.. i wun care if even u are the president or hell wadeva impt pple in my life or anything.. i dun care liao de lor.. i unhappy means i unhapply...LOL.. bt farnie ah.. i unhappy or sad.. oso for a few seconds nia.. after tat im back to normal.. bt that kind of sad n sucky feelin still lurks ard lor... =x

bt jus nw dardar asked me.. u realli ok ma?? in a tone i realli nv hear b4 de.. or maybe dam rare de.. n i feel realli contented n comforted... haha.. im an easily contented girl.. mayb dar is realli changing liao.. somehow i sense it abit.. BUT.. mayb.. hu noes.. it may jus in the end be jus an illision... a dream that i may nv wanna wake up frm...

perhaps.. perhaps... perhaps.....

goOd nite everyone.. hv a swt dream..!